Since running for speed probably isn't going to be my thing, and running for very very very long distances is just as unlikely, I may have to be a little bit creative to acquire greatness.
We do hear stories about people like me. Some people run marathons whilst juggling, and I can juggle, but apparently the record for a juggling marathon is still about 3:07. But I can do the Rubik's Cube. Maybe I could solve 1000 Rubik's Cubes during the course of running a mediocre marathon. I wonder what the record for that is.
Mediocrity is my downfall. I'm a mediocr-aholic. But I think combining two records would probably be the easiest way to make a name for myself. Perhaps I could run a marathon while simultaneously smoking 1000 cigarettes. Or I could run a marathon while pulling a VW bug connected via fishhooks to my back and rear end. That would get me in the papers, but I'd like to avoid the fishhook thing.
Newspapers aren't likely to print a story headlined: "Mediocre white guy runs mediocre marathon." But I'll bet they'd run a story about a mediocre white guy who ran a marathon, stopping every single mile to eat a 72 oz. steak.
Maybe one day, you'll turn on the teevee and see Lisa #or0nda reporting a story about a little-known mediocre white guy who ran the fastest thousand cigarette smokin' rubik's cube solvin' blind kid guidin' half-a-cow eatin' marathon.
It's only a matter of time before I'm world famous.