Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Running Greatness is in my Future

Since running for speed probably isn't going to be my thing, and running for very very very long distances is just as unlikely, I may have to be a little bit creative to acquire greatness.

We do hear stories about people like me. Some people run marathons whilst juggling, and I can juggle, but apparently the record for a juggling marathon is still about 3:07. But I can do the Rubik's Cube. Maybe I could solve 1000 Rubik's Cubes during the course of running a mediocre marathon. I wonder what the record for that is.

Mediocrity is my downfall. I'm a mediocr-aholic. But I think combining two records would probably be the easiest way to make a name for myself. Perhaps I could run a marathon while simultaneously smoking 1000 cigarettes. Or I could run a marathon while pulling a VW bug connected via fishhooks to my back and rear end. That would get me in the papers, but I'd like to avoid the fishhook thing.

Newspapers aren't likely to print a story headlined: "Mediocre white guy runs mediocre marathon." But I'll bet they'd run a story about a mediocre white guy who ran a marathon, stopping every single mile to eat a 72 oz. steak.

Maybe one day, you'll turn on the teevee and see Lisa #or0nda reporting a story about a little-known mediocre white guy who ran the fastest thousand cigarette smokin' rubik's cube solvin' blind kid guidin' half-a-cow eatin' marathon.

It's only a matter of time before I'm world famous.

Rock on.


lisaleese said...

I'll report on it ONLY if you give me the exclusive.

Barbara said...

I think you need to work the "rock on" theme into that particular race. Can you throw in a guitar to play along the way too?

Wishing you all the best this Sunday!

Joe said...

dude, yesterday I was telling my wife how funny it would be to run the marathon with a cigarete dangling from my lip the whole time.
Remind me to tell you the story about "chain smoking" guy from the MS150.