Monday, December 18, 2006

The Truth about Santa ! ! !

Caution : This isn't for little kids. It isn't for grown-ups either. It's that disturbing!

I was contemplating the old question about the logistics of one man making so many deliveries in just one night. The standard solution about using the time-zones just doesn't seem sufficient to deliver all those packages to all those little boys and girls in one night. And I got to thinking, maybe Santa outsources some of it. So I was a-researchin' in the old Wikipedia, and Wiki says that indeed, some countries like Belgium and the Netherlands get their packages from somebody named Sinterklaas, and other countries get their packages from somebody else. For example :

  • Afghanistan : Baba Chaghaloo

  • Brazil : Papai Noel

  • Hungary : Mikulás

  • Ireland : Daidí na Nollaig

  • Mexico : El Niñito Dios

  • Romania : Moş Crăciun

  • South Africa : Vader Kersfees

  • United Kingdom : Father Christmas

  • Now, I know some of those are probably just different names for the same dude, but they can't all be him, so I thought I figured it out that there is indeed some outsourcing going on. And I thought it was really cool that both Romania and South Africa get their presents from Star Wars characters. But I read this again and I thought, "Hold the Phone! El Niñito Dios! Mexico gets presents from El Niñito Dios?" And it turns out that it's true! Mexico, Colombia, the Czech Republic, they get presents directly from the baby Jesus!

    And that's where things fell apart for me. Is it possible that Santa outsources extra packages to the Baby Jesus? No way! Santa is the outsource.

    Anyway, you see what's happened. Baby Jesus neglects us and Christmas becomes more about the delivery guy than the birthday Boy. We can laugh at the naïve Melanesian cargo cults who worship the airplanes that dropped supplies during WWII, but are we any different? We're the most rediculous of them all. Why don't we forget Santa and put up figurines of the UPS man?

    But it begs the larger question. Why don't we get personal deliveries like the Czechs? I thought we were His favorite.

    Ran 4 miles this evening. Felt good.

    Listening to: Björk - Aeroplane (One word, one word, on the phone makes me happy.)

    Keith out.


    Vic said...

    You just ruined my whole Christmas. I should have heeded your warning.

    Keith said...

    Disclaimer : These observations arose partially due to conversations with my friend Heather.

    Heather Feather said...

    You beat me to the punch smartass! XD!! My word verification was :kolpunkyz....hehe Is it a noun, verb or describing word? I would like to think it is an onomatopoeia....which in itself could be an onomatopoeia!!

    Day Dreamer said...



    Like Vic, should have heeded your warning.

    TX Runner Girl said...

    I have to remember not to read your posts while at work...I am cracking up laughing and people surely think I am losing it. That was great!

    Holden said...

    What about the Fedex guy? The DHL dude? Or the Postman? None of these guys wear red by the way and sometimes they're not even a guy..